I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
