my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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