shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
