hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
