I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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