i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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