just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
