oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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