Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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