when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
