does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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