??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
