i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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