About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
