Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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