I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
