Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
