I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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