i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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