He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
