his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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