yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
