Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
