There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
