So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you win again, gameday.
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I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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