Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
