Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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