I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
