The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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