Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
