I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
