Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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