She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
