There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
