so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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