imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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