We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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