i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
