i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
