We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think i got beer on your cat.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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