you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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