i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
