It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize