We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
