planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
