talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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