I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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