I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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