Got a toothbrush?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
