Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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