Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize