Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
