life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
