And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
