Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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