I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
