How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
