He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
