Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
