dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
NoShamevember. You game?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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