I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
