im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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