I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
