i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
