What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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