it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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