They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
