I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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