fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
