I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
