Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
