On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
